Challenged

Haha...

sorry for the late update... wanted to update like last week... and dragged until now... okay....

Just a quick update of what I have been doing for the past few days.... Basically, now I have some work to keep me occupied...

1 is doing up the maths syllabus for my church's tuition.

2 is doing up the t shirt design for our church camp =D (glad that it is more or less done already and that I have learnt quite a bit through the whole process)

3 is doing the army syllabus for my boss. I only have one last part to do.


Okay... those are the things that have been keeping me busy for the past few days... Basically on sunday night I started working on it... and have been sleeping late for the past few days... Then, I will wake up like around 9am or 10am to continue doing my research and work... and then head on to camp to finish my army work and sign my clearance... Thank God that I managed to get all the signatures already... including my CO's one...

Okay... yesterday met Ailing ( my church leader) ... It has been quite a long time since I met her to have a talk... And yes... she posted many challenges and things for me to think about... I saw it coming also... as I have already started doing some thinking on my own...

The whole army period had taken its toll on me... I had lost sight of God in the process... I was too easily influenced... and I made many mistakes... lost my testimony... lost.. to sin... Ailing asked me this question... Did I ever really knelt down in front of God... to seek for forgiveness??? I did not reply her... But in my heart... I know that I did not...

I don't know why... How come my heart has hardened towards sin... I know that what I did were wrong... and it was very wrong... but somehow.. I find it very difficult to apologise for my behaviour... I guess again... I was being told of some things that influenced my thinking... My colleague would tell me... "You are still young, you should enjoy life... You should just do things that makes you happy... Have fun... " And whenever I told them I felt I was doing the wrong thing... sometimes they will reply that they don't see anything wrong in it.... Sometimes they cannot understand why we have certain stands.... And... I did not make my stand clear enough... Also, I wasn't strong in my stand...

And through all they have said... I guess subconsciously... I thought my actions could be justified... But alas I did not go back to compare with the real standards that were set for me... God's standards...

Who is God to me? Why do I want to serve God? These are questions that I cannot reply with a firm and immediate answer. I'm seeking... trying to find... hopefully getting answers... as of now.. I've yet to have them... I guess I'm blindly doing things... not seeing the worth behind it.... I can be using my own skills... to do the maths syllabus... to design the camp t shirt... but all these are not important... it's not the product that's important.. it's not what you do that's important.... Ailing told me this... God does not need your "generosity" ... It is very true... Even if I did not do it... someone else would have been there for the job... Because it will be accomplished by God's methods.... so it is not so much of doing that is important... but the heart to serve is what God wants to see...

I've been reading up more on the bible these few days... but still yet to really find something that has a huge impact on my life... I'm still struggling... looking for answers.... I pray that I can find them soon.....

I chanced upon this poem... on desiringgod.org..... and felt that it was very meaningful.

"I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;

I’d rather be His than have riches untold;

I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;

I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand
Than to be the king of a vast domain,

Or be held in sin’s dread sway;

I’d rather have Jesus than anything

This world affords today.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;

I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame;

I’d rather be true to His holy name.

He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;

He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;

He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;

I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead.
(Rhea F. Miller, 1922)

Hopefully one day... I'll be like this poet... and able to live for Him... and that is sufficient to keep me going... Pray for me fellow brothers and sisters in Christ... Thanks....

A Great Day

Hmmmm... wanted to add a new entry today... Dragged till now... Guess procrastination is in my blood.

Started off the day with an sms from my previous colleague, talking about although we are one office, but we have our individual responsibilities... I'm not sure if he was referring to me, not handing over my work properly... so I went back to camp today.. to do my ORD clearance as well as check on my work.. whether or not it is properly handed over... turns out to be still fine...

After that sms, even though I had already decided to go to camp today, I lazed around at home... watched "Just Follow Law" ... It set me off thinking... cause I was reading this book... "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and in the book.. it talked about lessons outside the classroom... life's lessons... I felt that the show portrayed many lessons that can't be learned in our education today... and the kind of poor mentality engraved onto our citizens today... the education is just too tight on our young children these days... it sorts of restrict their freedom to be able to think about other things other than their mountaineous homework... There are many life lessons to be learnt... EQ... How to handle office politics... How to handle your boss... How to understand your subordinates....

I'm now very interested in many things... my mind is like a total mess right now...

On one hand I'm interested in the way money works... and what job suits me best... thus, i'm currently reading up on "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" It's quite an interesting book... talking about how people nowadays are usually trapped in "the rat race" and clearing some common misconceptions... will type more about the book tomorrow... after I finish reading it... Haha...

Also I'm quite keen into leadership books right now.... There are many interesting leadership quotes.... Not everyone can make it as a leader.... I hope I can... See if SAF lives through to one of its motto " A leader in SAF, a leader everywhere". Leadership quotes... wahaha.. heard from my boss that there are leadership stuff written on the handing over of leadership responsibilities... sounds all so interesting... will find a book on it...

Haha... also on finance stuff... i heard "The Secret" is an interesting book as well... will pop by BORDERS one of these days to go and purchase it....

Urgh... so much knowledge there is for me to go and discover.. Oh no... just realised I haven't read today's papers... so sad... There is just so much there is to know... I find it sad that people waste life indulging on meaningless activities... e.g. playing PSP on the bus... when they can read an interesting book... or take some time to think... haha... oh well... but I can't say that I maximise time as well... or that I use it very effectively... I have been quite hooked onto games recently... one of them being DOTA ( Death of the Ancients) ... a game that has been around for quite some time... but there are still so many people playing it... and there never seems to be an end for it... hais... okay... I'll try to quit it....

Okay... these few days has been quite good... I've been trusting my life more to God now... have been reading up verses to act as reminders... haha... oh yeah... I was reading these verses and chanced upon this Verse

" Do not be anxious about anything, but go everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4 : 6,7. I felt that it was very applicable to me... now I spend more time praying to God to guide my life... as I finally see all the uncertainties there are... and all the kind of tempations that I can fall into... and the kind of bad testimony i might give... so... yeah... I also felt that it was applicable to my good friend... haha.. so i sms-ed it to her... and she told me that she just read the verse like a minute before she receive my sms. Lolx. It's quite a small probability for this kind of things to happen... I guess God wanted to speak to her through that verse...

Okay... I have been procastinating again... wanted to do one maths worksheet for tuition ministry... but I have not started on it yet... urggh... must do it tomorrow....

I have quite a number of things to do tomorrow.

1. Write my testimonial

2. Maths worksheet

3. Exercise ( Jog for 35 minutes, 60 push-ups, 50 crunch, 20 counts of 4 leg lift, 30 counts of 4 scissors) okay... i'll do all those tomorrow... or should I swim??? hmmm... all depends on the Sun i guess...

4. Okay that should be all ... hahas...

Alrighty then.... I think I'll be heading to my "love's nest"... gonna sleep already.... must get enough rest... don't know why I've been sleeping quite a lot and yet still feel so tired...

Okay... I've been saying that I want to make the design of my blog nicer... but yet to do anything about it.. I'll learn it tomorrow also... okay... that's one more task then.... I'll try to upload some photos... yeah yeah.... Nites...

Creation

I thought that I needed to start up a blog so that i can pen down my thoughts. Starting to think quite a fair bit recently. Perhaps one day i can look back, and see how much answers I can get from all the questions I've been posting myself.

My good friend sent me a very meaningful passage to read. And it provided some goal for me to strive for. To be able to disregard the bad around me, and strive to work on myself and with God.

"People are often unreasonable ,illogical ,irritating and self-centered
forgive them anyway.

If you are kind ,people might accuse you of harboring selfish ulterior motives .
be kind anyway.

If you are successful ,you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
be successful anyway.

If you're honest and frank, people may cheat you.
be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone might destroy it overnight.
build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, people may get jealous.
be happy anyway.

For the good you do today,people will often forget tomorrow.
do good anyway.

When you give the world the best you have, it may never be enough.
give the world your best anyway.

You see ,in the final analysis ,its between you and God.it was never between you and them anyway (:"

Thanks a lot.

Hope this is a good reminder for those who are losing faith in this world as well. The world is not as naive as I thought it was.

The innocence of a child.... it's indispensable. We need to fall back on it, to gain hope, to gain inspiration.

I still vaguely remember the song, "The milky way" by Michael Learns to Rock. If i'm not wrong, there was a sentence in his song, talking about if everyone in the world was like a child, there would be more love in this world. Less fighting, and no war.

I guess, it's not about being ignorant about the troubles that we face in this century... But it just suddenly dawn onto me the kind of place we stay in... it's oh so not ideal...

But we have to live with it. The imperfections, everything. We are after all, a fallen nation. I'm glad that at the end of the day... we still have a light shining on us... to lead us... to where we will finally end up.... happy one day....